A Drinker's Guide to the Twin Cities

Where to drink, when to show up, what to order and everything else you need to know about the local cocktail culture.

Image credit: Sara Rubinstein

By: John Paul Burgess

Chris Clayton

Chuck Terhark

Best new way to drink a beer
Share it at The Northeast Social
Beer has never been a shared beverage. The Northeast Social, the newest bar to join the retail resurgence on 13th Ave. in Northeast Minneapolis, wants to change that. Their import-heavy beer list contains three "social beers," large bottles served tableside in a chilled bucket, wine-style. Grab the bottle, pour a few glugs into your friends' tiny glasses, and enjoy. Unlike wine, the beer is just $7. Cheers to that.
What'll ya have? Flying Horse, an Indian lager served in a 22 oz. bottle.
359 13th Ave., Mpls.; 612.331.0095
Best bar for drinking with your grandma
Jax Café
Jax is nearly as old as grams (76 and counting) and she looks just as good. The classic supper club vibe and old-Nordeast demeanor will your grandma feel right at home, especially with one of the bar's famous ice cream drinks in front of her. The only thing better than a happy grandma is a happy grandma two Pink Squirrels into the afternoon.
What'll ya have? A Pink Squirrel.
1928 University Ave. N.E., Mpls.; 612.789.7297

Where to drink whiskey, if you like whiskey
The St. Paul Grill
This is the area's premiere bar for lovers of brown booze, be it Scotch, bourbon or brandy. Patrons at the St. Paul Grill know how to savor life's grandest pleasures, and are prepared to pay for them.
What'll ya have? The 55-year Macallan is a little steep ($750 per pour), so go with the 25-year, going for a more practical $95.
350 Market St., St Paul; 651.224.7455

Where to drink whiskey, if you don't like whiskey
The Local
This venerable Irish pub is famous for selling more Jameson whiskey than any other bar in the world (including Ireland!). That is largely due to the house special, a Jameson-ginger ale with a twist. They call it the Big Ginger (learn how to make your own on page TK), and it's ideal drink for flipping whiskey haters to the dark—i.e. brown—side.
What'll ya have? The Big Ginger
931 Nicollet Mall, Mpls.; 612.904.1000

Most innovative bartender
Nick Kosevich, Town Talk Diner
Few people have done more to advance the imbibing arts in the Twin Cities than Nick Kosevich, the cocktail chemist behind the bar at the Town Talk. Not only are his drinks outstanding, but he'll talk your ear off about the history of the Old Fashioned, let you know that he's been making his own bitt ers for years and, if you're lucky, he'll even show you his bacon tatt oo (his baconinfused Manhatt an is known nationwide). At the recent "Twin Cities Iron Bartender" competition (which he won, naturally), Kosevich made a drink using a bong to add rosemary smoke to a cocktail. The judges were impressed, and so are we.
What'll ya have? Try the Locavore's Delight, which Kosevich invented specifically for METRO.
2707 E. Lake St., Mpls.; 612.722.1312

Best bar reached by boat
The Wharf at Lord Fletcher's
Lake Minnetonka's go-to party spot for more than 40 years, Lord Fletcher's has its own wharf, making boat-up drinking as easy as docking and tying a knot (which, considering the way some Minnetonka boaters imbibe, is not always so easy). Embrace the chaos and channel your inner spring-breaker all summer long.
What'll ya have? Pink Lemonade Vodka Slush
3746 Sunset Dr., Spring Park; 952.471.8513

Best bar for drinking alone
The Cardinal Bar
South Minneapolis has been boozing away the workday at the Cardinal for years, so no one will bat an eye if you belly up sans drinking buddy. There are plenty of new friends to be made, as well as distractions (i.e. Big Buck Hunter and Golden Tee) if you'd prefer to be left alone. Best part: The light rail stops out front, so you won't even need a designated driver.
What'll ya have? A Bud.
2920 E 38th St., Mpls.; 612.724.5837

Best bar to visit alone and leave… less alone
Williams Uptown Pub and Peanut Bar
They call it a "peanut bar," but everyone knows Williams's true business: meat market. There's something about the freedom of littering empty peanut shells on the floor that inspires dirty thoughts. Plus the huge beer list means the "meat" that Williams markets is usually sausage (wink). Ladies, if you're looking for a cheap hook-up—hey, we're not here to judge—start here.
What'll ya have? One of the 300 or so bottles they stock. In the spirit of the evening, try something new!
2911 Hennepin Ave. S., Mpls; 612.823.6271

Best cork dartboards
Town Hall Brewery
Not to put too fine a point on it, but plastic darts—the kind you find at 99 percent of the bars in the Twin Cities—are crap. Real darts have metal tips, they thunk into cork dartboards and all you plastic-lovers who need a computer to keep your cricket score can go bend your tips elsewhere. We like to throw at Town Hall, where the old-fashioned boards are free if you bring your own darts, or $3/hour to use theirs.
What'll ya have? Masala Mama, the brewpub's signature IPA.
1430 Washington Ave S., Mpls.; 612.339.8696

Best patio
Black Forest Inn
Go through the big wooden doors—near the infamous Richard Avedon print with the bullet holes—and be transported straight to Bavaria. Assuming Bavaria is full of old brick floors and trellises covered in lush vegetation. The lederhosen-clad albhorn players help, too.
What'll ya have? A pitcher of Paulaner Salvator.
1 E. 26th St., Mpls.; 612.872.0812

Best rooftop patio that isn't Brit's
Solera
Solera is a mountain of a Spanish restaurant in downtown Minneapolis, and you can't beat the view from its peak. But it's not just the patio itself that we adore—it's the entertainment held thereupon. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays all summer long, the back of the giant billboard mounted on the restaurant becomes a movie screen at 8 p.m. (this month's schedule includes Borat, Airplane! and Heathers). Every other Monday features the Como Avenue Jug Band, and various house DJs keep the roof boppin' on weekends. Best part: The late-night happy hour, featuring $3 sangria and half-price taps till midnight.
What'll ya have? The best sangria in town.
900 Hennepin Ave., Mpls.; 612.338.0062

Best quasi-indoor smoker's lounge
Memory Lanes
Thanks to the smoking ban, local bar owners were forced to channel their inner Bob Villa and find a way to give their customers a place to puff without freezing their cheeks off. The result is a citywide spate of half-indoor, half-outdoor spaces that defy categorization and, we're pretty sure, city building codes. Our favorite is the smoking "lounge" at Memory Lanes, where tarps trap the smoke, impeding all airflow and creating a sort of second-hand sauna for the brave puffers inside. You'll want to do laundry afterward.
What'll ya have? Miller High Life.
2520 26th Ave. S., Mpls.; 612.721.2573

Dog-friendliest bar
The Nomad World Pub
The Twin Cities are notoriously stingy about letting your furry friend accompany you to the watering hole, which is why the "Beer with your Buddy" events at the Nomad are so great. The popular West Bank pub hosts Fido and all his friends this month on July 9 and 23, 6-8:30 p.m. Bring a leash and a 10-spot for the cover charge.
What'll ya have? The Nomad "prix fix": A shot of whiskey, a Pabst Blue Ribbon tallboy and a single cigarette. If you don't smoke, put it in your dog's mouth and take a picture. (Kidding, kidding….)
501 Cedar Ave. S., Mpls.; 612.338.6424

Best bar for drinking out of gimmicky ceramic vase-like things
Ichiban
They've got a Buddha, a geisha and a panda. The rummy drinks that fill them are fine, but the best part is that you get to take home the mug, which works great as a cheap vase or white elephant gift come December.
What'll ya have? The Buddha.
1333 Nicollet Ave., 612.339.0540

Best stuffed dear head
Kitty Cat Klub
It's on the second level, near the bar, and it's so big and so old that Beowulf himself may have downed it. The monster on the wall at Neumann's in North St. Paul is a close second.
What'll ya have? A vodka tonic. Not sure why, but it just feels right.
315 14th Ave. S.E. Mpls.; 612.331.9800

Best bar food (upscale)
The Vincent Burger
Swank Vincent is generally overlooked when talking about bars, which is why it's such a great find. You don't have to sit at a white-linen table to enjoy some of the city's best food; just sit at the bar and order one of the world's best burgers. Made with ground Angus beef, braised short ribs and smoked Gouda, the Vincent Burger is just $8 during happy hour (Monday through Friday, 4:30-6:30 p.m.).
What'll ya have? A Manhattan.
1100 Nicollet Ave., Mpls.; 612.630.1189

Best bar food (midscale)
Smelt fries at Red Stag Supperclub
Smelt look more like bait than appetizers. But don’t count these tiny dancers out, especially not at the Red Stag, where they’re breaded, fried and served with sweet onion tartar sauce and smoked tomato ketchup. Oh, and because smelt are seriously underfished (according to seafood watchdog groups), you can eat them by the handful without feeling guilty.
What'll ya have? A "red beer": Grain Belt Premium and tomato juice.
509 First Ave. N.E., Mpls.; 612.767.7766

Best bar food (downscale)
Runyon's wings
Hot but not intolerable, crispy but not over-done, and so plump you'll swear they used turkeys instead of chickens, Runyon's buffalo wings are some of the best you'll find in the Twin Cities.
What'll ya have? Grain Belt, sans tomato juice.
107 Washington Ave. N., Mpls., 612.332.7158

Best place to break up with someone
The Independent
The name of the bar alone promotes the unattaching of strings. But more than that, the Independent is regularly stocked with beautiful, single Twin Citizens, making a rebound that much more likely for you and your shattered ex.
What'll ya have? Do your dumping on a Tuesday, when Sauza shots are just $3.
3001 Hennepin Ave. S., Mpls.; 612.378.1905

Most underappreciated bar
T.G.I. Fridays in Maple Grove
How chainy is Fridays? Google this place and you'll get the creepily Orwellian result "TGI Fridays No 0486." Doesn't exactly instill "everyone knows your name" warm-fuzzies. So the title of "Best T.G.I. Fridays Bartender in the U.S." might sound like a backhanded compliment. But it's actually a fierce competition that accounts for flare, taste and character, a.k.a. the bartending trinity. And Brian Zachau, who currently slings Long Islands at the Maple Grove location, has been crowned the champ five years in a row. He alone makes the trip to the Grove worthwhile.
What'll ya have? If your barkeep is juggling bottles, challenge him by ordering a drink with four liquors: the "Ultimate Long Island Iced Tea."
11830 Fountains Way; Maple Grove; 763.424.3446

Best use of egg whites
Bradstreet Crafthouse
The bar at the Graves 601 Hotel looks like your typical fancy-pants watering hole, but its cocktails are anything but ordinary. Take Bradstreet’s namesake drink, a blend of Jim Beam Rye, jasmine syrup, lemon, bitters and, yes, egg whites. Raw egg was once included in all sorts of cocktails, from flips to sours, but fell out of favor after a salmonella scare in the late ’80s. Today, egg whites are back in booze thanks to the current cocktail renaissance and the fact that they create a wonderful foam, our favorite part of this new classic drink.
What'll ya have? The Bradstreet Cocktail.
601 First Ave. N., Mpls.; 612.312.1821

Best place to separate yourself from the plebes
The Living Room’s Velvet Rope VIP service.
Because you really are better than everyone else, rope yourself off in the W Hotel’s lobby bar. Once you and 20-150 of your closest cronies are securely surrounded by the velvet cords (seriously), enjoy whatever you’d like. In the mood for a hot dog? Need a box of condoms? Your dedicated server will track these things down, as well as any manner of alcoholic delights. The best part? Watching average, non-roped-off folks doing average things. Oh, and don’t worry, we won’t tell the normals that this service is free and open to everyone.
What'll ya have? The Bluphoria, a blueberry martini mixed with elderberry liqueur and served with whole berries.
821 Marquette Ave. S.; Mpls.; 612.215.3700

Best meatloaf crostini
Sample Room
Ok, so we’ve never seen this item on any other menu, but the Sample Room’s bite-sized crostinis, topped with beef, pork and veal meatloaf, mashed potatoes and bourbon barbecue sauce, are un-friggin-believable.
What'll ya have? Pair these little buddies with a Murphy’s Stout.
2124 Marshall St. N.E., Mpls.; 612.789.0333

Best place to plan your next Ponzi scheme
Prohibition
This walk-in closet-sized bar is located in failed businessman Wilbur Foshay’s former office space, contains copious amounts of African mahogany woodwork and is very, very quiet. In other words, it was made for scheming and secrets-telling.
What'll ya have? The Truth or Consequences, a chili-infused tequila cocktail chased by a Corona pony.
821 Marquette Ave. S., Mpls.; 612.215.3700

Best Scott Seekins viewing spot
Nick & Eddie
Scott “white suit in the summer, black suit in the winter” Seekins is a performance artist who never stops performing. Your best chance of catching him in action is at the spare, elegant bar at Nick & Eddie, which shares the same building as his art studio. On the off chance that he’s not there, you can at least view a couple of his infamous (and slightly creepy) Britney Spears paintings adorning the restaurant’s walls.
What'll ya have? St. George absinthe.
1612 Harmon Pl., Mpls.; 612.486.5800

Best collection of velvet paintings of JFK
The Dubliner
While we have no idea why JFK’s likeness appears on velvet with such frequency, we’re pretty certain that any Irish-American pub worth its Guinness has got a few of these kitschy velvet Jacks on the walls. Last time we checked, the gloriously divey Dubliner housed the largest collection in town.
What'll ya have? A Guinness.
2162 University Ave. W., St. Paul; 651.646.5551

If you must have a Jucy Lucy, get one here
The Nook
Confession time: We don't get the Jucy Lucy. By that we don't mean we don't order it (we do, sometimes), but that we just don't get it. Stuffing a burger with cheese just doesn't make it better. That said, if you must order one, order the Paul Molitor at the Nook. It's stuffed with pepper-jack, served on a fresh baked bun and, most importantly, is named after the pride of Cretin-Derham.
What'll ya have? A Summit EPA.
492 Hamline Ave. S., St. Paul; 651.698.4347

Best place to go when the Nook is too packed
Shamrock’s Bar and Grill
We’re usually willing to battle the permanent line out the door at St. Paul burger shrine the Nook. But sometimes our craving for its Paul Molitor (see above) is just too strong. And that’s when we head down to Shamrock’s, a sports bar on West Seventh that shares owners and a menu with the Nook. Shamrock’s lacks its big brother’s old-school ambience, but it can do spot-on imitations of the Nook’s beloved burgers.
What'll ya have? Another Summit EPA.
995 Seventh St. W., St. Paul; 651.228.9925

Best yacht club that anyone can be a member of
Northeast Yacht Club
Remember Captain Ron, that so-bad-it’s-good 1992 film featuring a slimy, scruffy, eye-patch-wearing Kurt Russell piloting Martin Short and his family around the Caribbean in a dumpy old yacht? Well, the Northeast Yacht Club is the kind of bar where you'd expect to see Ron tying a few on.
What'll ya have? A pitcher of Hamm's and a few plastic cups.
801 Marshall St. N.E., Mpls.; 612.378.1740

Best bar that doesn’t have ginger ale and is proud of it
The U Otter Stop Inn
We asked. They don't. And we seem to recall them swearing at us. But no matter: We didn't come to this karaoke-crammed dive bar to drink fancy-pants ginger ale anyway. We came to get drunk and sing "Love is a Battlefield," dammit.
What'll ya have? A rum and Coke.
617 Central Ave., Minneapolis; 612.331.4169

Best places to celebrate the fact that beer is the new wine.
Blue Door Pub
Any self-respecting pub offers local brews these days–the more diverse and plentiful, the better. Merriam Park’s tiny Blue Door Pub covers that basic truth very well, with a weekly selection that includes Surly offerings, Summit seasonal brews and locals you love to say out loud, like Lift Bridge’s Dirty Farm Girl. Juicy "Blucy" concoctions, Spam bites and beer-battered green beans provide the sustenance.
What'll ya have? A beer you've never tried before.
1811 Selby Ave., St. Paul; 651.493.1865